But TGIF also stands for Trust, Gratitude, Inspiration, and Faith. The fabulous Brene Brown uses this as a format for a weekly reflection, and I was so drawn to the practice when I first read about it that I decided to borrow it. (Can you tell that Brene is one of my heroes?)
This week, I am trusting... that God is with us in our sorrows. So many people are hurting this week... and my heart is heavy. I've sat with a mother mourning the loss of her 20-week-old pre-term baby, ministered to two young men my age struggling with psychosis, and comforted a man over a century old as he said goodbye to his wife of 80 years. My co-workers and I have faced the unexpected loss of a fellow employee whose smile has brightened every day these past six months. Even after all of the theology courses and all of my readings on theodicy, I still feel anger well up within me over the loss of a baby who never got a chance to smile, and the loss of a vibrant, healthy 45-year-old man who will never be able to preach again. It just doesn't make sense, and I doubt that it ever will. But through it all, what gives me strength and hope is my trust that even when we're sad and angry and feeling like God can't possible hear us, we can find and feel God's presence in our tears. And when our hearts can't find the words to release our sorrows, our tears become our prayers.
I am grateful for... the little moments... My little niece pointing at a scab on my finger and saying, "Owwie" then giving it a kiss... Babette snoring loudly and snuggling up next to me on the couch... the brilliance of a sunset, the joy of seeing tiny little shoots peeking out of the long-frozen earth, the clink of silverware after a delicious meal with family.
I am inspired by... the courage and resilience of the people I encounter at work, particularly one woman who is struggling to get herself out of an abusive relationship right now.
I am nurturing my faith by... giving myself compassion in place of judgment when I overreact, lash out, or fail to do the most loving thing. This Lent I thought long and hard about what to commit myself to, because when you have a perfectionistic streak, you can tend to view Lent as another opportunity to strive for perfection and berate yourself for falling short of it. This is, predicatbly, an unhealthy cycle to go through each year, and it certainly doesn't strengthen my faith or help me to grow closer to God. I didn't want to do that to myself this year, but I wanted to commit myself to a Lenten discipline, so I decided to do one of the most (surprisingly) difficult things of all: to give up negative self-talk. Instead, I'm trying to replace my often harsh words -- and isn't it strange how we can say things to ourselves that we would never say to another? -- with the compassion others show me, the compassion I believe God has for each of us. In turn, I'm trying to focus on being a voice of compassion to those around me, particularly my husband, who sees me at my worst and bears the brunt of my daily angst/anxiety after a long, hard week like this one.
I am grateful for... the little moments... My little niece pointing at a scab on my finger and saying, "Owwie" then giving it a kiss... Babette snoring loudly and snuggling up next to me on the couch... the brilliance of a sunset, the joy of seeing tiny little shoots peeking out of the long-frozen earth, the clink of silverware after a delicious meal with family.
I am inspired by... the courage and resilience of the people I encounter at work, particularly one woman who is struggling to get herself out of an abusive relationship right now.
I am nurturing my faith by... giving myself compassion in place of judgment when I overreact, lash out, or fail to do the most loving thing. This Lent I thought long and hard about what to commit myself to, because when you have a perfectionistic streak, you can tend to view Lent as another opportunity to strive for perfection and berate yourself for falling short of it. This is, predicatbly, an unhealthy cycle to go through each year, and it certainly doesn't strengthen my faith or help me to grow closer to God. I didn't want to do that to myself this year, but I wanted to commit myself to a Lenten discipline, so I decided to do one of the most (surprisingly) difficult things of all: to give up negative self-talk. Instead, I'm trying to replace my often harsh words -- and isn't it strange how we can say things to ourselves that we would never say to another? -- with the compassion others show me, the compassion I believe God has for each of us. In turn, I'm trying to focus on being a voice of compassion to those around me, particularly my husband, who sees me at my worst and bears the brunt of my daily angst/anxiety after a long, hard week like this one.
May you all be blessed with peace and compassion tonight, my friends.
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