Now then... I'm sure you've heard of the book Tuesdays with Morrie (but if not it's definitely worth a read!). The book is about the relationship that the author, Mitch Albom, formed with a former college professor as his professor neared death. The book is a tale of the unique relationship and mentorship between the two of them.
I'll confess that the plot of that book has absolutely no relevance whatsoever to my relationship with Brene Brown... but because it's Tuesday, and I needed a Tuesday theme, I figured I would steal the title.
That said, though she has absolutely no idea who I am, Brene has come to mean a lot to me recently. Over the past three months I have been reading Brene's book The Gifts of Imperfection, as well as watching several of her talks on vulnerability and shame resilience as part of my CPE curriculum. I've been deeply moved by her work and have taken it to heart. This book is really what gave me the courage to start up this blog, and as difficult and painful as some of this internal work has been, I have ultimately found it to be cathartic and liberating.
This book has meant so much to me that I've decided to share some of my favorite excerpts of it with all of you! I'll also regularly post links to Brene's TED talks, because that format may work better for many of you.
Here's an excerpt from the section "Exploring the Power of Love, Belonging, and Being Enough":
Love and belonging are essential to the human experience. As I conducted my interviews, I realized that the only one thing separated the men and women who felt a deep sense of love and belonging from the people who seem to be struggling for it. That one thing is the belief in their worthiness. It's as simple and complicated as this: If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.
When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness - the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don't fit with who we think we're supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness -- that critically important piece that gives us access to love and belonging -- lives inside of our story.
The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that we are worthy now, right this minute. Worthiness doesn't have prerequisites. So many of us have knowingly created/unknowingly allowed/been handed down a long list of worthiness prerequisites:
- I'll be worthy when I lost twenty pounds.
- I'll be worthy when I can get pregnant.
- I'll be worthy if I get/stay sober.
- I'll be worthy if everyone thinks I'm a good person.
- I'll be worthy if I can hold my marriage together.
- I'll be worthy when I make partner. I
- I'll be worthy when my parents finally approve.
- I'll be worthy if he calls back and asks me out.
- I'll be worthy when I can do it all and look like I'm not even trying.
Here's what is truly at the heart of Wholeheartedness: Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.
Goodnight, and may you rest in worthiness and love, friends.
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